Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
