I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
