yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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