totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
