I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
