she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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