we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
