my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
