things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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