Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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