Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
