My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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