your parents love me but you hate me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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