Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
