you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
