that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
