1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that's an acceptable place to lick
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
