"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
