Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
