I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
