I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
