Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize