You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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