her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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