Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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