Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
