looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
