you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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