Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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