I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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