absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital