I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
