Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
