carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My hand turned me down
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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