There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
