I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
