I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
