I need to stop coming to work sober
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
