We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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