Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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