My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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