listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
