you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
