Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
