I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
