Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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