the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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