i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
