You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize