Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sobbing to NWA
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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