Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
