your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
