if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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