Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
