you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
