i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
