Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
