Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Terrible idea I love it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
