your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
