I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
