my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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