Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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