3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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