Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she told me i tasted like america
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
