She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
