I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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