she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
