my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
