I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's rum buckets o'clock
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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